Newsletter: January 2004

• Brief Notes from Cuba
• Medical Personnel At Their Best" (Humour)
• History As Seen By Grade 5 and 6 Students (more humour)

As you know, Dr. Larry is still in Cuba. I have received only a couple of emails from him as he has very limited access to computers. I can tell you this much: it took him 28 hours (and a round-about tour of Mexico) to get to Cuba; he has definately been touched by the poverty that exists there (and at the same time he figures he has gained about 10 pounds from the food that is generously given by these poor people); he is "way outside [his] comfort zone" (and yet very comfortable in the modest accommodations); his Spanish is more "poco" than he realized; he has been introduced to the tiny cups of VERY strong coffee that the Cubans drink (when he asked if it was "Espresso" - the reply was "No, espresso is very weak!"); he fluctuates between wanting to get back to things familiar to him and "having the time of my life"; he has written many, many pages in his diary and has taken many photos and I am sure he will be mui, mui happy to get back home and relate the stories of this trip that he says has been both the "best" and the "worst" he has experienced. By the time most of you read this, he will already be back in Canada -- but at the time I am writing this I can only HOPE that is an accurate statement. May the force be with you, Larry. Vajo con dios!

(Note from Nancy: I recall reading about another revolution-torn country that was also referred to as "the best of times; and the worst of times".)

IF WE COULDN'T LAUGH THEN WE'D ALL GO INSANE...

The following are some rather funny sentences from actual patients' hospital charts. Some I gathered while working at VGH in the 80's, others were sent to me by old co-workers. Some are typos but others are actually hand written notes made by attending physicians. They definately reflect...

OUR MEDICAL PERSONNEL AT THEIR BEST

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
5. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
6. She is numb from her toes down.
7. The skin was moist and dry.
8. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
9. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
10. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid
11. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
12. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
13. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
14. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
15. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is curcus sized.
16. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
17. The patient refused autopsy.
18. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.

HISTORY? Or "HYSTERY"

1. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.
2. Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
3. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw for reasons I don't really understand. The English and French still have problems.
4. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper which was very dangerous to all his men.
5. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.
6. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation.
7. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.
8. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was a actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds like he was sort of busy too.

Remember -- our office re-opens on Tuesday, January 6, 2004 at 9:00 a.m.

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Contact the office:
Dr. Larry Smith D.C., B.P.E.
Chiropractor

P.O. Box 307
255 Island Highway
Parksville, British Columbia
Canada V9P 2G5